For all the Engineers on CC
 

I'm a cop, but secretly wanted to be an engineer. My son is a Chemical engineer (gave it to him I guess:D) I know there are alot of Engineers on this site and I admire your skills, the help you give out and the witty banter. My son sent me this email that I want to share with you. Its good for a winter laugh...enjoy

Understanding Engineers One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers Three:
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers Four:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers Five:
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers Six:
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers Seven:
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Lou

My dad, God rest his soul was a mechanical engineer, my oldest brother is a civil engineer..........When dad was still around and the family was altogther for holidays, you should have heard the jokes they told each other on their branch of engineering......it was hilarouis.........

David

A priest, a drunkard & an engineer where all to be exicuited today. First the priest and he asked to be exicuited face up so he will be looking at heaven when he dies. So be it and they slowly raised the blade of the guillotine and release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention & release the priest.
Next the drunkard also choses to lie face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest, they raise the blade, release it and down it comes and suddenly stops just inches from his neck, So they release him as well. The engineer is next and he too chooses to lie face up. Now they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer says..HEY I SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I'm gonna use those!!

BSME here....I always enjoy the engineering jokes. I guess I'll always be a nerd...:LOL:

I hear ya, Brent, gotta love these jokes! I resemble those comments, too... but hey! Nerds rule:cool:! Got the knack... BSE, MSCpE... double nerd%/.

Keep 'em coming:LOL:.

:LOL:

Great jokes. I love them and would like to copy a couple and use them on another site if it is ok with RET_COP. We have some engineers on that site and they would get a lot of laughs out of these. However I won't use them until I get approval.

Ron :)

Use them Ron, they have been around for years and years.

SB51 is right, All yours Ron and have fun!!!!

Thanks guys,

Most of the jokes that I have saved are about computers and some other things such as cars.

Ron :)