Something To Offend Everyone
 

SOMETHING TO OFFEND Mostly EVERYONE!

What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the
Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends
What's the difference between
a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
!
What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education
classes in Redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong
What would you call it when
an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the
flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time.."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****"


Ron :LOL:

Ron 61

Ron

Can't wait to tell my neighbour about the Harley and Hoover example.

Found myself laughing at a few others.

Just getting up the courage to tell that blonde I live with about the Golden retriever...:eek:

I am sure I will get in trouble using a few of these at work.

:LOL: :LOL:

:LOL:

Bernie,

I am guessing from your post that your friend rides a harley. :LOL:

As for the Blond and Reteriver, why not just let her read the post! I can put that in red if you like. :LOL: :LOL:

Ron :)

Thanks Ron.:)

I knew there was something I missed on my resume.

:LOL:

Fred,

You are welcome. Just blame it on Frenchy. :D

Ron :)

Bernie is a Harley FAN!!!

He like them big hawgs. :LOL:

Ron 61

Ron

Yes my neighbour has just gone through that mid life crisis and spent $30k on a new Harley.

:LOL:

Funny he is riding around on a small bike until he gets his biker licence. Twelve months on a 250cc or smaller.

Bernie

Trularin

Hey you will not get me on a Harley - I'm afraid of needles so could not get the tatts on my arms....:3DSMILE:

:)

Bernie,

You could get the stick on kind and then take them off after your rides. :LOL:

That having to ride on a small bike for so long would be help in learning about them, but the difference in power and weight in the two would seem to be a huge change even then. I believe that here you just have to go to the DMZ, tell them you want to take the test for a Motorcycle license and get a test date. But I am not positive about that as I have never owned one.

Ron :)