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New Stock Market Terms
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO--Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO--Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET-- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut-house. PROFIT -- An archaic term no longer in use. |
Sounds about right.
:D :D |
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