[CobraDan]

Dangerfield's Secrets to a Successful Marriage
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
have a little wine, some good food and good companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Cincinnati, and mine is in Kentucky.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she
said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas.
She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.
9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I
too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
11. Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
13. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,
"What's on the TV?"...I said, 'Dust!"
15. In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
16. Why do men die before their wives? Cause they want to.
17. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
18. A beggar walked up to my wife shopping on
Michigan Ave., and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."