For the last 14 years, my brother and I have been co-conservators for my 80 year old mentally disabled uncle who understands very little English. He lives with my Mom, who is 85 and hard of hearing (and too damn stubborn to get a hearing aid). We grew up working with him in the tomatos and vineyards, and my Mom was the packinghouse boss (she still thinks she's the boss).
We grew up with at least one grandparent in a rest home at all times...my maternal grandmother lived in one until she was 105. My Dad's father came to the packinghouse everyday until he was 89, hard of hearing, but he'd still try to lift packed lug boxes, before he finally ended up in one.
I really have a hate for rest homes.
In other words...my brother and I have been dealing with this stuff our whole damn lives, and it gets tough...real phuking tough...at times. My uncle wasrecently in the hospital for several weeks and is working to get his legs back from laying in bed with therapy...means I've had to clean him up more than a few times.
And when you're doing your damndest to help, that's when they treat you like sh!t the mostest. I call it adult child abuse.
...and my cousins are all doing the same thing with their folks. My wife's dealing with her Dad since her Mom died a couple of years ago...same stuff.
I wished the hell my Dad hadn't left us so early (he was only 69), although he would've been the worst of the lot.
No, you don't just sign anything he puts in front of you, and yes you're going to go through some of the deepest regions of hell...but don't disengage. Do what you can to work around the roadblock financially...a line of credit that requires your signature for draws, for example, if you ultimately need to help him get some funds to get by. If you think he's really unable to take care of himself...the take over formally (doesn't mean you're taking his debt).
I also like the idea of getting an attorney specializing in the elderly to take a look at some of the stuff he's on the hook for, or utilize some credit counseling service or a financial advisor. If he needs to file BK, then so be it. He's probably going to listen to somebody else better than he'll listen to you even though it's the same message.
As for the guilt trip...hey, that's the only thing they have left to use. Don't give into it, but understand it...don't battle it; work around it.
So Scott, you ask what you should do? Ya just do, but in a rational way, and get some help in managing the situation.
But don't give up on your Dad. Do you know how phuking tough it must've been for him to even ask you for help?
