[xlr8or]

Dear Liberal:

Thank you for your recent whiney-assed letter criticizing the treatment of
the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. And,
we sincerely appreciate that you've already copied Hillary.

As part of the Administration's Liberal Empathy Training Program, you'll be
pleased to learn that the Administration has decided to place one detainee
under your exclusive care. Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to
your personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be cared for pursuant
to the standards you strongly recommended in your letter of admonishment. It
will be necessary that you hire your own caretakers. We will also conduct
weekly inspections, of course, to assure that your detainee is actually
being cared for in the manner you personally prescribed.

His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest using menus that
do not require utensils. While he does bite, the rabies test was negative,
although he does have a bad case of body lice that we haven't completely
remedied.

Although he is sociopathic and very psychotic, we do welcome your promised
efforts to overcome that "attitudinal problem" with your promised counseling
and home schooling.

He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human
life with such simple items as a pencil or light bulb. We do not suggest
that you ask him to demonstrate these proficiencies at your next bridge
party. He also has the ability to make a variety of lethal bombs from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up,
notwithstanding that it may conflict with your moral values or disrupt your
maid's daily routine.

Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage. "Does
not play well with others".

Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the change of seasons,
assuming that it rains, and washes his clothes simultaneously. That should
help with your water bill.

Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves pets of all kinds, but is
especially fond of cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted.

You take good care of our detainee now.

George