|    Not Ranked 
 I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. _____
 
 I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
 _____
 
 The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
 _____
 
 After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"
 _____
 
 My son just said, "Dad, can you tell me what gay means?"
 "It means to be happy," I replied.
 "Are you gay, dad?"
 "No, son. I married your mother"
 _____
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