[bliss]

A young couple are talking .........

"Honey, before we get married, I want to confess all of my affairs."

"But darling," she replied, "you already did that. Two weeks ago."

"Yes, but that was two weeks ago."
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A cowboy and his wife...

Had just been married and went to a hotel for their honeymoon.

The cowboy went to the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'This here is a very special 'casion...our weddin' night, and we need a good room with a strong bed.'

The clerk winked and asked, 'Do you want the Bridal?'

The Cowboy thought about it a while and then replied, 'No, I guess not. I'll just hold on to her ears until she gets used to it.'
______

A man died and went to The Judgment...

They told him , “Before you meet with God, I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”

“Wow that’s impressive, “When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago,” came the reply.
_____

I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago.

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
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