[bliss]

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa.

Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front.

The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright."

The other tiger says "sorry" and they continue on their way. After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action.

The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!"

The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action.

The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop."

The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
_____

I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.

I said, "What's going on?"

"You tell me?" replied my wife.

I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a stranger."

"A stranger, eh?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having sex for six months!"

I looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"
_____

Three couples were golfing, a Swedish couple, an Irish couple, and a Scottish couple.

The Swede`s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.

'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb..... Tidy yourself up a bit.
_____

I took a chick to my place last night.

The next morning she woke me up, holding up a picture. "Is this your wife?" she frowned.

"Yes, it is," I replied. "She passed away."

"How sad," she sighed. "How did your sons take it?"

"I haven't told them yet," I replied. "They stayed at their Grandma's last night."