View Single Post
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2018, 03:13 AM
Mark IV Mark IV is online now
Senile Club Cobra Member
Visit my Photo Gallery

 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Buffalo, NY USA, NY
Cobra Make, Engine: Time Machines Motorsports LLC- Superformance Dealer
Posts: 3,998
Not Ranked     
Default

Add value to your auction car:

NEW BARN FIND KIT

Add thousands to your classic cars value! Sometimes when your selling a car you need to put in some elbow grease and really present it in the best way to attract buyers and capitalize on your investment.

This amazing product is guaranteed to work on all makes and models. (*note offer not valid for JD Camira, 1st Generation Hyundai Excel, Saab 9000 turbo and AU series 1 Falcon Forte, face it your not getting your money back when you sell any of those).

Put that bucket and sponge away, what we have here is your ticket to financial freedom.

Introducing the "Barn Find Kit" (Trademark 2016 in Venezuela)

The kit includes:
1x 20kg bag of authentic outback red dust

2x cans of spray adhesive

1x Jar of mixed spiders (note actual content may vary from photos.
Each kit should contain at least 4 daddy long legs and 2 red backs, however due to combined postage we can not guarantee that some spiders may eat each other in transit. We do provide a light meal of flys and moths for their journey).

1x Live rat (pre-starved for 3 days prior to postage, this helps to ensure he chops into your seat foam and wiring as soon as he is released into the vehicle).

5x used shotgun shells

1x 30ml bottle of liquid pigeon manure

1x 50ml water bottle with drip nozzle.

1x tyre puncture kit (ok so it's a 3" nail but it does the job)

1x qty of used spark plug leads (note colours may vary from photos and are not guaranteed to fit all models without the use of cable ties or electrical tape).

Here is our step by step guide on putting this unique kit to work:

Step 1) Park your classic car in a garage, shed or if your lucky enough to find one in Australia an actual barn.

Step 2) Swap spark plug leads with those supplied.

Step 3) Apply spray adhesive to underside of car, suspension, brakes, engine bay and door jams. Within 10 mins of application throw liberal handfuls of red dust into these areas where it should stick instantly giving that 10 years of farm driving look.

Step 4) Release spiders inside car, engine bay, diff and rear exhaust hangers (assuming enough survived the postage to be evenly spread around the car).

Step 5) Scatter shot gun shells around passenger floor, console around shifter and parcel shelf.

Step 6) Add random bric-a-brac to boot of car (note these items are not supplied in this kit, but packs are available at extra cost). Some ideas would be a greasy towel, one muddy gumboot, a rusty bottle jack, some rusty spanners and of course an old hessian potato sack for good measure.

Step 7) Ensure all windows are up and boot closed. Release rat inside car, closing the door behind him.

Step Apply tyre puncture kit to one tyre only (letting down two is a rookie mistake and will show the car has been staged, kiss that bidding war goodbye).

Step 9) Evenly scatter the red dust over the entire exterior of the car (saving 1 handful). Turn on the windscreen wipers for one pass, then lightly apply remaining dust to windscreen. For extra value disconnect the battery while the wipers are at full extension.

Step 10) Carefully apply pigeon manure in spots approx 2cm in diameter (try to keep the spots randomly shaped). be sure to group these spots in line with overhead beams of garage/shed.

Step 11) Carefully apply water drops, also following overhead beams or joins in roofing sheets.

Step 12) This step is very important, get your 12 yr old neighbor to take photos of your car with an iphone 3, also have them write you a 3 line description of your car. Be sure to remove all punctuation before uploading your listing.

Then all that's left to do is sit back and watch that cash camel ride into town as the bidding war for your classic barn find ramps up.

Please note: Be ready to answer questions such as "what's it need for road worthy", "could i drive it home on a permit", "If I pay a $131 deposit will you hold it for me till I get my tax return" or the common offer of "would you swap it for a VT Clubsport in good nic just has a defect for the rims, exhaust, suspension, tints and pod filter, I'll also throw in a sinking jetski and a vegemite toastie".

We find it best to answer all these questions with "she's a genuine Bathurst race prototype so it will be sold by morning to the first person that offers double my asking price but I would swap for a night with Pamela Anderson, not now but when she was 23".

Starting bid is not negotiable, just think how much value this barn find kit will add to your car. Our price is a bargain.

Any question, please feel free to ask your father.

Please note, this item is currently out of stock pending investigation over the legalities of posting live rats and spiders, so all bids will be cancelled prior to end of auction, so best not to bid.
__________________
"I'm high all right, but on the real thing....powerful gasoline and a clean windshield..."

http://www.timemachinesauto.com/
Reply With Quote