[bliss]

The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. “Mr. Avery, I have exactly the one you need.

You only have to say the word and you’ll meet and be married in no time!” says the Matchmaker.

“Don’t bother,” replies Mr. Avery, “I’ve two sisters at home, who look after all my needs.”

“That’s all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife.”

“I said ‘two sisters’. I didn’t say they were mine!”
_____

A banker calls in an oilman to review his loans. "We loaned you a million to revive your old wells, and they went dry," says the banker.

"Coulda been worse," replies the oilman.

"Then we loaned you a million to drill new wells, and they were all dry holes."

"Coulda been worse," answers the oilman.

"Then we loaned you another million for new drilling equipment, and it broke down."

"Coulda been worse," says the oilman.

"I'm tired of hearing that," snaps the banker. "How the hell could it have been worse?"

"Coulda been my money," says the oilman."