[bonyhadi]

DON'T MESS WITH A KARATE EXPERT

When a would-be robber picked an address for a home in Johannesburg, South
Africa, for his next "project," boy did he get a wrong number. The Star
newspaper there reports that when the intruder tried to strangle Marietjie
Fourie, the 45-year-old woman not only fought back but gave the man a
fractured skull for his troubles.
It seems that Fourie is a karate expert. After her first attempts to drive
him away were unsuccessful, she picked up a martial arts device, made up of
two batons connect- ed by a piece of chain. She not only broke his skull
but several other bones when she retaliated. The woman reports that it was
the third time she's had to repel an intruder in recent years. By the way,
the newspaper points out that South Africa has one of the world's high- est
rates of crimes against women.










A guy who can no longer get an erection finally goes to the doctor for
help. The doctor tells him that the muscles at the base of his penis have
broken down and there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try
an experimental type of surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The
doctor tells him that they take the muscles from the base of a baby
elephant's trunk and insert them in the base of his penis.

The guy agrees that it sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having
sex again is even scarier, so he decides to go ahead with the operation.

The doctor performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the guy the
go ahead to "try out his new equipment".

That night the guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he
starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. After a few minutes,
the pressure is almost unbearable. He figures that no one can see him in
the dark restaurant, so he quietly unzips his pants.

No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls
across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.

His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her
face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?"

With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says
"Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"















DICTIONARY OF LOVE
-----------------------------------------------
ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a
particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely horny,
but not entirely choosy, people meet.

DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of
money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a
person whom you don't especially like in the present and
will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics
as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using
a condom, and dating repulsive men. EASY - a term used to
describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to
communicate to a man that she is interested in him.
Despite being advised to do so, many women have
difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not
necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to
the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her
chest.

FRIEND - a member of the opposite sex in your
acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping
with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE - a woman's feeling towards a man, which
is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING - a word a man uses to describe a woman
who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT - what the endearing little qualities
that initially attract people to each other turn into
after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY - how attractive a given person
appears to be is directly proportionate to how
unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to
have sex more often than he does.