[bonyhadi]

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old.

Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop? "

"Yes, " I answered and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right? "

"Yes, that's right, " I told her.

"Well, then" she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please
tie my shoe? "

~~~~

POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there? " he
asked.

"It sure is, " I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the
back of the van.

Finally he said, "What'd he do? "

~~~~~

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will
never believe this! "

~~~~~

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit. "

"And why not, darling? "

"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning. "

~~~~~

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be
performed, the children had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug
a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son
was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned
his version of what he thought his father always said:

"Glory be unto the Faaaather. . . and unto the Soonnn . . . and into the
hole he gooooes. "

~~~~~~

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time, " she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they
won't let me talk! "

~~~~~

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found! " the boy called
out. What have you got there, dear? With astonishment in the young boy's
voice,

he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear! "




















SILLY LAWS



CALIFORNIA

~ It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.

~ Women may not drive in a housecoat.


FLORIDA

~ It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

~ Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.


OHIO

~ Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in
public.

~ It is illegal to get a fish drunk.


KANSAS

~ Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.

~ No one may catch fish with his bare hands.


OKLAHOMA

~ Violators can be arrested and/or jailed for making ugly faces at
a dog.

~ State law prohibits anyone taking a bite out of another's
hamburger.


ALABAMA

~ It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in
church.

~ Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. (Really)


NEW YORK

~ It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

~ The penalty for jumping off a building is death.


NEW JERSEY

~ You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full-service
only.

~ In Ocean City, it is against the law to slurp your soup at a
restaurant.


WISCONSIN

~ In Racine, it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.

~ Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.


VIRGINIA

~ It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays.

~ Flipping a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for coffee is
outlawed.


TEXAS

~ It is illegal to have more than three sips of beer at a time while
standing.

~ It is illegal for a person to go barefoot without first obtaining a
permit.


ILLINOIS

~ It is against the law to use a slingshot unless you are a police
officer.

~ Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.


IOWA

~ Public kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five
minutes.

~ One-armed piano players must perform for free.


WASHINGTON

~ It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
(Realize....someone had to MAKE that law!)

~ People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.


ARIZONA

~ It is illegal to hunt camels within the state borders.

~ In Tucson, women may not wear pants.


MASSACHUSETTS

~ Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

~ It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.












A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold.

But the husband can find no work. His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the
base of a tree, and begins to pray:

"Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..." Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over
the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of
cheddar cheese rolls down the hill and lands at his feet!

"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the
cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.

"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" she inquires. "No,"the husband says, "Jesus
sent this to me with a message...

As I ran home, I kept hearing Him yell, ' THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'










A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll,
she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn
red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So
twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn
red?" "No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."





























A woman is very distressed because she has not been married for
very long, and yet her husband has lost interest in having sex.
So she goes to see her doctor, and tells him the problem.

The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that this
is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal
instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuts on
her husbands cereal every morning without telling him, and little
by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes
her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress
report.

A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her
husband is.

"He's dead," she replies

"Dead?" the doctor asked. "What happened?"

The woman replied, "He was sitting in the driveway licking his balls,
and I backed over him with the car......