[bonyhadi]

The Cat Diet

It may not make you thin but it will make you
smile!

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and
eating like people. For those us who have never
had any success dieting. Well now there is the
new Miracle Cat Diet!

Except for cats that eat like people -- such as
getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are
long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat
Miracle Diet© will help you achieve the same
lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for
one week and you'll find that you not only look
and feel better, but you will have a whole new
outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet
cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the
.75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate.
Eat one bite of food; look around room
disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare
at the wall for awhile before stalking off into
the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and
one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest
carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and
play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one
wing. Leave the rest to die. Bedtime snack: Steal
one green bean from your spouse's or partner's
plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes
under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of
chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half
on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat
food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO Breakfast: Picking up the remaining
chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the
carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew
on the corner of the newspaper as your
spouse/partner tries to read it. Lunch: Break
into the fresh French bread that you bought as
your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick
the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the
middle of the loaf. Afternoon snack: Catch a
large beetle and bring it into the house. Play
toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half
dead. Allow it to escape under the bed. Dinner:
Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food
-- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously.
Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living
room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into
it as you leave. Track footprints across the
entire room.

DAY THREE Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from
your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no
one is looking. Splatter part of it on the
closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.
Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the
house. Play with on top of your down filled
comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously
injured but not dead before you abandon it for
someone else to have to deal with. Dinner: Beg
and cry until you are given some ice cream or
milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps
and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being
sure to leave a collection of legs, wings,
antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of
water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on
your spouse's or partner's pillow. Lunch: Remove
the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go
leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the
trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several
times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat
food. Select a flavor that is especially runny,
like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all
the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and
get hard.












Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man
with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?".

Though he feels uncomfortable he agrees to help. He unzips the man's
pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his dick, which
he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy.

Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold
the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back
up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot man."

The man says. "No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what
is wrong with your dick?"

Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says, "I don't
know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"