[bonyhadi]

Letters Of Recommendations For Employees


Have to write a letter of recommendation for that
fired employee? Here are a few suggested phrases:


For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."


For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."


For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."
"He consistently achieves the low standards he sets for himself."


For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left
unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."


For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of
employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or
recommend him too highly."


For a stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications
whatsoever."


For a dishonest employee:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker."


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15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.


2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up
there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can
tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself
types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for
it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even
in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.


13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque
books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it
means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Send this to 10 Bright Women to make their day!!!!!
And a couple of men to really make their day!!!!!!









ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS BY DOCTORS:


1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third
day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me
in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally
alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the
past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her
life until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he
took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt
we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other
abnormalities.












Donkey and onion


Q: What do you get if you cross a Donkey with an Onion?

A: Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears,
but every once in a while,
you luck out and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.







A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at
the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and
junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.

Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate
you up ..."

"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.












Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin,and coming in the opposite direction was Father
O'Rafferty. "Hello,"said the Father, "and how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry ya two years ago?
"She replied "Aye, that you did,Father." "And be there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father," said she.
"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week. I'll light a candle fer ya." "Oh, thank ya, Father." And away she
went. Some years later they met again
.
"Well now, Mrs.O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "Have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father.I've had three sets of twins, and
four singles - oh yes, ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful!" he said."And how is your wonderful husband?" "Oh," she said,"E's gone to Rome to
blow out yer' fookin' candle."






New Words to an old Dylan Song:

How many roads must a man drive down
Before he admits he is lost
Why when a man becomes married is he
unable to find his own socks.

How many times will it take 'til he knows
he has seen the three stooges enough

The answer my friend, I cannot comprehend
The answer, I cannot comprehend

How many shows can a man surf through
before the remote burns out
Why does he think that an intimate gift
is a Dustbuster Plus for the house

How many sounds can a man's body make
before he sleeps on the couch

The answer my friend, is take two aspirin
The answer is take two aspirin

Why when we go for a romantic drive
do we wind up at Builder's Square again
How many nights will he leave the seat up
so I land on cold porcelain

How men really feel is mystery to me
and probably a mystery to them

The answer girlfriend is driving me to gin
The answer is driving me to gin.