[bonyhadi]

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

If you mated a bulldog and a ****su, would it be called a bull****?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to horrible
crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

Why if it is 2 AM in Japan,,,and 2 PM in Paris....am I sleepy in Chicago ?












There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had
his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch this
guy do this day after day.

The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening
to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard
nothing.

He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear
anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like that
for months."











Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat ***** every Thanksgiving!











Beer Truck : Take a beer and send the truck to all of your
friends!!!!

|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
| B u d w e i s e r | ||'""|""\__,
| _____________ l ||__|__|___| )
(@!)!(@)"""""**|(@) (@)****|(@)

16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to
hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you
don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at
the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch
break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
gross.

Take a beer and send the truck to all of your friends!!!!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he
could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and
that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next
five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went
with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was
with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes
and scammed the government out of a lot of money... even more then you did." They both shook their heads in
understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together
to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos
could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous
supermodel / centerfold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and in fact it was their friend Jon. They
asked him how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women.

Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life
(and I'm dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to. There is only one
thing that I can't seem to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, "Damn
income taxes!"









An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman
They are all playing golf with their wives
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and she bends over to place her
ball.

A gust of wind blows her skirt up ad reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any."

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake
of decency here's 5 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear.


Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt
blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Bejesus woman. You've no
knickers
- why not?" She replies "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He
reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's 2 pounds,
go and buy yourself some underwear!".


Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
her head to reveal that she too is naked under it. Hoot lassie! Why d'ye
have no knickers? She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping
money to be able to afford any".

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"