Hey It's Monday! Let stay off topic?!
Here are some bad one's to enjoy (Just recieved them and thought I'd share).
You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example:
1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air component.
5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight can shift to the bottom.
9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thought it'd be Male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. JEKYLHYDE
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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
****************
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. I'm a gynecologist.””
At that point, the proctologist fainted!
****************
Two men were talking.
"So, how's your sex life?" asks the first man.
““Oh, nothing special," replies the second. "I'm only having Social Security sex."
““Social Security sex? What the hell is that?" asks the first man incredulously.
““Oh, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"