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It appears that you will need to gift the car to me, then I will fix it.
It sounds that the battery feeds are okay. All the accessories should be wired through the fusebox. Check the feed wire to the fusebox, it should have a fusible link or circuit breaker. Are there any relays? Do they work? It sounds like your starter/alternator/battery lines are okay, but the rest is dead... everything else "should" be through the fusebox.
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