[cobra de capell]

A man gets up one morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees
one of his socks in the frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks. "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."
_____

A guy dies and goes to [censored]. Satan tells him he has 3 choices of how he will spend eternity. There are 3 doors, and Satan leads him to the first door and opens it. In a large, carpeted room, there are people standing on their heads. They guy isn't sure that he wants to spend eternity standing on his head, so they go to the 2nd door. Behind that door, there are more people standing on their heads, only this room has a concrete floor. He thinks that if he has to spend eternity on his head, the 1st room would be preferable to the 2nd. They go to the 3rd door, and in this room, people are standing knee-deep in poop, and they are all drinking coffee. The guy figures that wouldn't be so bad--he'd get used to the smell, and he likes coffee, so he opts for that room. He enters and begins to drink his coffee, thinking it's not so bad when a buzzer goes off, and a voice on a loud speaker says, "OK, coffee break's over--back on your heads!"