Not Ranked
Signs:
At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission
On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.
On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.
Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.
Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.
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