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I think a lot of the problem here has to do with the word marriage. I see it having one meaning in terms of government and another for religion. In the government sense it is a legal contract between 2 parties that gives them certain legal rights and obligations. In the religious terms it is defined by the religion and deity or deities involved.
Perhaps the government should replace the word marriage with civil union for all cases, that involve heterosexual and homosexual relationships. By using a separate word for each situation, we have separation of church and state.
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