[Fred Douglass]

..butt, I was gaffing with some of the noids down at WHOI (the oceanographic lash-up on Cape Cwodde, as you no doubt know), and I was ribbing them aboot being complete Gettalifes, since they sleep, eat and breath compootah stuff. It got around to my old days down at the Deep Submergence Lab (Dr. Blow-hard of the Titanic [ego], et al) and my almost-complete ignorance of keyboard stuff. One of the guys said: "Freddie, we've got someone who can get you up to speed in a day or two!"

Bean a fumb-duck, I said; "Send him over!"

At this point, I should interject that my wifey-wifey is spending days---nay weeks---uptown tendering care to The Thing That Will Not Die (aka me mother-in-law). So-o-o-o-o...I figured the person they'd send up to help get Congorilla up to snuff on the compootah would be a booger-flecked MIT undergrad. Well....the "MIT undergrad" part was correct....... BUTT......butt...(words fail me). She (repeat SHE) was evidently a hybrid between a mule and an onion---you know, a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes. I shyte youse not. Circa 23, brunette with BRIGHT blue eyes, 4-million candlepower headlights---the works.

After my knees finished buckling---I invited her in. And...and...oooops...there's the foo keen phone.be right back......

Chow fer now,