[cobra de capell]

WASHINGTON, DC ... August 2, 2009 ... As Congress adjourns for its summer recess, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has issued a statement on a new plan she promises to schedule a vote on upon Congress' return in September. The new plan -- Gold for Geezers -- would give participants as much as $4,500 for each senior citizen they turn-in to a new Department of Elderly Recycling for disposal.

"We know the Bush Reich is something we will be dismantling for the next eight years," said Pelosi. "As part of the Democrat Party recovery plan, we will introduce this program to help solve several vital issues, including skyrocking medical costs, over population, a need to turn to Green Energy, wrongthought, and a way to decrease the Bush Deficit."

A summary of the plan shows that once older, useless, costly seniors are turned-into a local facility, they will be given 20 minutes of peaceful images while they are "put to sleep." Afterwards, their bodies will be treated with amino acid ribonucelaic disassemblers and the resulting material used as fuel to produce green energy in plants being built by Al Gore's Green World Corporation.

The plan reveals that the Department of Education will coordinate a program by which school children will be encouraged to report any senior citizens who are living with them and may be reluctant to participate on their own. A new Students for Progress Corps, run by the White House, will be established to implement the plan.

"This is clearly a win-win," said the Speaker. "Households needing extra money because of eight years of Bush's destructive policies can receive as much as $ 4,500, depending upon the unproductivity of the oldster involved, and use that money for some worthwhile purchases, not to mention freeing-up that former parent's or grandparent's bedroom for more productive purposes."

A vote is expected this fall with passage considered likely. Congressmembers will be exempt from the program.