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Poor Ernie. You are one of the most tolerant guys I know.
Ernie, you are welcome to come to North Dakota. We are neither liberal nor conservative here, but a healthy mixture of both. A mixture of the old fashioned kind where government was still by the people and for the people and fiscally responsible ...
sort of.
The last hangin' here was a
long time ago. There are no trees here either, except for the state tree which is a telephone pole and we're busy burying lines. So they had to use a bridge that last time. It was over a crick, but there was probably no water in it for those scared the rope might break.
Onlyest thing is, you will be expected to work when you get here. The good part is you won't have to be ashamed of it in North Dakota.
State Tax revenues were in the black again, so there was the usual refund.
Wes
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Rules of North Dakota :
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle &
oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-94 goes east and west, I-29 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time!
7. Yeah, we eat Catfish, Walleye & Paddlefish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the second Friday of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak... Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat....IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in Bismarck . . . . and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Basketball are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try North Dakota State University, University of North Dakota, Minot State University , or Williston State College, hey graduates come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than any other state, so "Don't Mess with North Dakota ," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
17. After hours bar fights here are fair. One on one. They quit after one guy gets a bloody nose and they shake hands. You are certainly welcome to bring a gun ...but you won't need it.
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