Twas the Night Before Christmas (Shelby Style)

[John McMahon]

T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS ("SHELBY STYLE")


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the SA warehouse
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stock was tumbling, hanging on by a hair,
In hopes that Ole Shel would soon clear the air;

The Yuppies lay wide awake stressed in their beds,
While visions of Chapter 11 danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Out of money, we decided, it was time to take a dirt nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and quickly hid my cash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a broken down Dodge Daytona pulled by eight tiny lawyers,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I was gonna get "dicked".
More rapid than eagles his lawyers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, HARRIS! now, SHAPIRO! now, GERAGOS and COCHRANE!
On, CUMMINS! on TURPIN! on, SPENCE and BARSAMIAN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Sue them, sue them, sue them one and all!"

As promises are made and deposits are taken,
Only the CSX faithful cannot be shaken,
Eight, ten, twelve months, how they flew,
All this time and HST has only produced a few.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each lawyers hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Ole Shel came with a bound.

He was dressed all in black from his head to his foot,
With Brent Fenimore by his side all covered in soot;
They seemed annoyed due to a cyber attack,
They warned me and said, “Are you part of The Pack?”.

His eyes – were angry! his pulse was thready!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I thought, “he better calm down or he’s gonna blow!”

A picture of Evan he held tight in his hand,
And said, “Why don’t you shut up and bow like this man?”
“Show me some respect and give me some cash,
Or the new delivery date on your Cobra will give you a rash”,
He had a broad face and a newly installed heart,
He must have just ate and laid a stanky old fart.

In the news, he’s chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
But in my house, he scared me, I feared for myself;
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Said if I did not leave him alone, I’d soon be dead;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He trashed my house and then called me a jerk!
And gave me the finger and he turned up his nose,
And yelling out a curse, cuz his stock price hasn’t rose;

Then he sprang to his Dodge, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"SCREW YOU WANNABEES, I’M READY FOR A FIGHT!"