Rules for rural Michigan

[trularin]

We have a small farm, but most of this applies.



>>
>> The Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows: Listen up City Slickers !
>>
>> 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
>>
>> 2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
>>
>> 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup
>> truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive,you're going to get
>> dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
>>
>> 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to
>> you.
>> But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
>> I94 goes east and west, US23 goes north and south. Pick one.
>>
>> 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn
>> pickers
>> and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
>>
>> 6. So every person in rural Michigan waves. We think of it as being
>> friendly. Try to understand the concept.
>>
>> 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming
>> in,
>> we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
>> to
>> your ear at the time.
>>
>> 8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after
>> catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the
>> corner
>> bait shop.
>>
>> 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
>> holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
>>
>> 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
>> age.
>>
>> 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you
>> can
>> order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
>>
>> 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats
>> (includes
>> fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot
>> sauce
>> and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call
>> that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
>>
>> 13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
>> over
>> ice.
>>
>> 14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to
>> shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>>
>> 15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
>> and
>> the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
>>
>> 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
>> spooks
>> the fish.
>>
>> 17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
>> Community
>> Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
>> love
>> for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for
>> the
>> holidays.
>>
>> 18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and
>> Marines.
>> So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
>>
>> 19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
>> music,
>> anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers.
>> Refer back to #1.
>>
>> 20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some
>> sense
>> in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the
>> grocery
>> stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day
>> without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the
>> next
>> day.
>>


Enjoy!