Joke of the Day...

[xlr8or]

>
>You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or
>get married and wish you were dead."
>
>Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
>You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you
>wish you had ordered that.
>
>At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
>your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am,
I
>married the wrong man."
>
>After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool
>when I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't
>notice."
>
>A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day
>she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
>mine."
>
>The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've
>found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want
>from me,
>sympathy?"
>
>When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let
>her keep him.
>
>
>
>Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
>
>A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
>married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
>
>Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
>know his wife until he marries her?
>Dad: That happens in every country, son.
>
>Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
>until I got married; by then it was too late."
>
>A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
>millionaire."
>"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman
>replied, "A billionaire."
>
>Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A Second
>marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
>
>If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
>you say, talk in your sleep.
>
>Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
>thinking they had no faults at all.
>
>You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with
>the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
>
>Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as
>both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house.
>Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
>
>According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men
>fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.
>
>Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
>
>My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
>girlfriends.
>
>How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
>laundry done for free.
>
>The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
>once.
>
>Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
>parachute.
>
>First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>
>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
>with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
>