Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

HOW TO ASK A MAN TO DO SOMETHING

Always remember these important rules when asking a
man to do something:
*
Make sure the man is conscious.
*
Then give him a Blow Job
*
Crash the hard drive on his computer and line
the bird cage with the sports section.
*
Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two,
three, or four hours, max.
*
Then ... give him a Blow Job
*
Reward him for cooperative behavior.
A blow job will usually do just fine.
Or, offer to cook him something that
doesn't have a peel-back cover.
*
Punish him when he refuses to cooperate.
Microwave his remote on high power for
55 minutes.
Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another
35 minutes.
Or, threaten to not give him a blow job.
*
Use "would you" or "will you" instead of
"you'd better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt".
*
When all else fails ... Blow Job.























EXPOSURE
> >
> > A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
> > right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am,
> > are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
> > She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out."
> > She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
> >










> >
> > OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
> >
> > A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want
> > you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this
> > procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at
> > least five pounds."
> > When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's
> > amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
> > The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to
> > drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
> > "No, from all that skipping."
> > ______________________
> >
> > RIVER WALK
> >
> > There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
> > another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I
> > get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down
> > the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
> > _____________________
> >
> > KNITTING
> > A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
> > freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde
> > behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his
> > flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned
> > on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"
> > "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
> >















> >
> > BLONDE ON THE SUN
> > A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
> > Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
> > The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
> > The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
> > The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
> > heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
> > Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
> > We're going at night!"
> > _______________
> >
> > THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
> > There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
> > decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
> > grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I
> > have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
> > big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde"
> > She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to
> > go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
> > $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had
> > instructed. Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money.
> > I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"