Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and
remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of
the
school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure
worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?"
A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you
make
it last an hour?"
~~~~~~~~~~

Two elderly men are having a conversation about sex:
1st: "I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
2nd: "I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"
1st: "The secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread."
So the second old man rushes to the bakery.
Clerk: "May I help you?"
Old man: "I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please."
Clerk: "That's a lot of bread, sir. It's sure to get hard before you get a
chance to eat it all."
Old man: "Damn! Does EVERYONE know about this except me?"


=====================
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist
if he sells extra large condoms.He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait
around here until someone does?"
====================
Buffie walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the
fact that they are about to be audited during the coming month.

Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!"
says the other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be
****ed beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy
in anguish.

Just then, one of the guys notices Buffie standing there listening.
She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you OK?"
asks the guy. "Yes," replies Buffie, "but I was wondering... How do
I go about getting audited?"
====================================
The ultimate list of excuses:
I'd love to but...
I want to spend more time with my blender.
The man on television told me to say tuned.
It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'm building a pig from a kit.
There's a disturbance in the Force.
I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
It's too close to the turn of the century.
I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'm trying to be less popular.
I have to study for a blood test.
I have to rotate my crops.
=================================
What's the definition of an overbite?
When you're eating ***** and it taste like ****.
==============================
TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER
10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name
is easier then changing your real name.
9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.
8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard.
7. You can exercise your offensive habits without embarrassing
yourself.
6. Viagra! Who needs Viagra?
5. Your partner could have more of a personality
than your inflatable friends.
4. Three words: No shotgun weddings.
3. All guys look like George Clooney and all women like Pamela
Anderson.
2. They never have to know you live in your parents basement.
1. If you catch a virus, only your computer dies.
================
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer
about Mad Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information,
but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day,
but only screwing you once a year,
wouldn't you go mad, too?"
====================
There was a shoe salesman siting in his store when a beautiful woman comes in. He looks at her and can't
stop staring. While helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances up her skirt to find she isn't wearing any
panties. He started thinking and something slipped out. The man said "I'd like to fill your ***** with ice
cream and lick it all out!"
Hearing this the woman runs out to tell her husband. She says, "Honey, this shoe salesman said he'd like to
fill my ***** up with ice cream and lick it all out!" "Now go kick his ass!".
The husband replied "Dear, anyone that can eat that much ice cream, I ain't ****in' with!"

==============================================
A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would
get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck
between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn’t because she didn’t have any clothes on.
He replies, “Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!â€*
She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?"
The clerk replies, "I’m sorry, I think he's too far in."
===========================================