Jokes - Page 140

tcrist · #1 (**permalink**) 07-27-2013, 04:33 PM

Bliss,

I for one enjoy reading most of the jokes that you post. If it was not for you this thread would have died long ago.

You made a mistake. Own up to it and post on.

Jamo · #2 (**permalink**) 07-27-2013, 04:41 PM

Well said.

Bliss, honestly, I thought it was funnier than hell, but then again I share your sense of humor.

That being said...

tcrist · #3 (**permalink**) 07-27-2013, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamo

Well said.

Bliss, honestly, I thought it was funnier than hell, but then again I share your sense of humor.

That being said...

Don't know Jamo. Guess you have to be from California to understand the point?

Jamo · #4 (**permalink**) 07-27-2013, 07:23 PM

Guess so...but hey, works for me!

CobraEd · #5 (**permalink**) 07-31-2013, 03:33 PM

The obvious vs the sublime:

It's Not About The Nail - YouTube

.

danc30 · #6 (**permalink**) 08-06-2013, 06:12 AM

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?

A: One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

danc30 · #7 (**permalink**) 08-07-2013, 05:32 AM

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

danc30 · #8 (**permalink**) 08-09-2013, 12:23 PM

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her." A little later on, they saw horses. The Grandpa said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too."

That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve the turkey?"

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does, I'm eating a hamburger!"

danc30 · #9 (**permalink**) 08-12-2013, 06:35 AM

A teenage girl came home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother.

"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

danc30 · #10 (**permalink**) 08-12-2013, 02:20 PM

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

danc30 · #11 (**permalink**) 08-14-2013, 03:13 PM

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.

When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, "Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?" His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy.

A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" asked his father. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, 'Jesus, I'm coming! I'm coming!' If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"

danc30 · #12 (**permalink**) 08-15-2013, 10:20 AM

Here's a simple yet good one:

Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.....

LeslieGonzales · #13 (**permalink**) 08-19-2013, 04:47 AM

The one with the farting was awesome..loved it.

EarlsflyinCobra · #14 (**permalink**) 08-20-2013, 06:25 AM

A couple of tough looking
policemen were patrolling when
they saw a girl about to jump off
a bridge so they stopped to
investigate.
The Sergeant, a big burly man,
gets out of the patrol car and
says,
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she
says.
While he did not want to appear
insensitive, he didn't want to miss
an opportunity he asked "Well,
before you jump, why don't you
give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long,
deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the policeman
says, "Wow! That was the best
Kiss I have ever had! That's a real
talent you are wasting. You could
make someone a great wife!
Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me
dressing up like a girl......"

danc30 · #15 (**permalink**) 08-20-2013, 08:10 AM

Hopefully that's not from personal experience.........

CobraEd · #16 (**permalink**) 08-21-2013, 11:31 AM

I miss all his jokes!

.

computerworks · #17 (**permalink**) 08-21-2013, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CobraEd

I miss all his jokes!
.

He was given a temporary ban for violating some ground rules.
That ban is lifted. Apparently, he has chosen not to return.

Buy a joke book.

ron
ClubCobra Moderator

tcrist · #18 (**permalink**) 08-21-2013, 11:41 AM

Bliss got pi$$ed off because "one" person took exception to one of his jokes. CW then admonished Bliss and told him to take some time off after bliss posted a reply. Bliss then, I guess, decided not to partisipate on CC any more.

The issue was that he posted a video about the bad "high speed train" that wrecked a while back and posted that (more or less) that is what could be comming to California.
While I am sure that his post was not intended to make a joke of the train wreck that actually killed quite a number or people, it was more of a joke on what California was / is about to have running through the central valley (they are trying to get a high speed rail project to run through the central valley and farther). People that do not live in the central valley probably did not "get it".

Did Bliss go a bit too far, maybe. Was there an over reaction on some peoples part? I do believe there was, including Bliss.

CobraEd · #19 (**permalink**) 08-21-2013, 11:45 AM

I saw the admonishment for posting a video of the spanish train crash (which was shown on prime time network news every three minutes for two straight weeks) The whole complaint was stupid and self serving. I hope that Bliss rises above it and brings back the jokes. I always looked forward to reading them.

.

kevins2 · #20 (**permalink**) 08-21-2013, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CobraEd

I hope that Bliss rises above it and brings back the jokes. I always looked forward to reading them..

I agree. His profile indicates last activity on July 27, the day this happened. Not sure if that means he hasn't posted since then or hasn't even logged in since then. Bliss, if you're out there, bring back the jokes!