Jokes

[bliss]

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

'All these years, everything has been working just fine... I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terriblebags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'
_____

"A Fashion Statement"

A man is at work one day when he notices that
his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man
knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in
"fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know
you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,"
he replies sheepishly.

"So, really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in our bed."
_____

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids” was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.
"Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes", unacceptable again!

So they tried "Analysis and AnalCysts" - not a chance.

"Nuts and Butts" - no way.

"Freaks and Cheeks" still no good.

"Loons and Moons" - forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends". Everyone loved it.