Jokes

[letsboogie351]

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetricians office. After the exam she shyly says, "My husband wants to know..."
The doctor butts in and says "I know, I know" placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked this all the time. Sex is fine until late into the pregnancy."
"No, thats not it" she replies, "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn!"

A trucker who has been on the road for 3 months stops at a brothel outside of Vegas. He walks straight up to the madam, places $500 in her hand & says, "I want your ugliest woman & a black pudding sandwich!"
"But sir" she replies, "For that kind of money you can have one of my finest ladies & a 3 course meal".
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I aint horny, I'm homesick!"


I've started a new alcohol diet... It's really great! I've lost 3 days in the 1st week.


Man: "Bless me father for I have sinned with 7 different women last night"
Priest: "Squeeze 7 lemons & drink the juice"
Man: "Will I be forgiven?"
Preist: "No, but it will wipe the smirk off your face!"


Definition of bravery:
Coming home drunk, covered in lipstik & smelling of perfume then slapping your wife on the bum & saying, "You're next fatty!"


I was just reading an article on the dangers of drinking too much alcohol. It scared the hell out of me, so i've decided from now on there will be no more reading for me!