Jokes

[bliss]

A Woman's Demerit System

Here is a guide to the point system: (You don't get any points for doing
something she expects.)

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In the rain. (+8)
But return with Beer. (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while and then leave to chat with a college
buddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-20)
Tina has silicone implants. (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE _
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter; you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression. (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)