Jokes

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Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my 30.06 right in the doorway. I gave it 5 shells to go in the clip, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in a wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business.

While I was busy doing other things, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street shoveled the snow, a girl walked her dog down the street, trash man picked up the trash, and quite a few cars went by. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn't rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself.

Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and it’s the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.

All right, well I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.

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A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said:

"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be continued.

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If Guns kill people, do pencils misspell words?
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A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...
No wait...Sorry.
I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that sh!t.
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Could somebody try this and report back?

Chinese traditional qi gong treatment for prostate problems

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Today's exercise routine....

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Paper?

Le papier ne sera jamais mort / Paper is not dead ! on Vimeo

Dyslexics Untie!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Dyslexic, an Agnostic, and an
Insomniac?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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Subject: 163 yrs ago

Did you know what happened 163 years ago this fall... back in 1850?

California became a state . . . .
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed except then the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

That, my friends, is the history lesson for today!