Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."Poof ! . . . God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 4 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:"God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."Poof ! . . . God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about 2 hours after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:"God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river."Poof ! . . . He was turned into a woman.

She checked the map, hiked a hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
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The Fortune Teller...

After escaping from her overly controlling campaign manager for the evening, Hillary Clinton sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year just after you lose the election.' Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Hillary, who was visibly shaken at this news.

Hillary stared back at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her the big question: "Will I be acquitted?"
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A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, " I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be wearing nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"........


He never heard the shot.
Funeral on THURSDAY at Noon. Closed coffin
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In response to complaints from Reverends Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson that there are not enough Black and Hispanic people appearing on TV, FOX has decided that, in the future, 'America's Most Wanted' will be shown twice weekly.