Band-Aids can't heal stupidity
 

By Julia Spitz/Daily News staff
GHS
Thu Oct 18, 2007, 12:02 AM EDT

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The last vestige of Darwinism has been removed from the shelf.

You won't find a shred of survival of the fittest theory in grocery store aisles. It's been yanked from drugstore and take-out shelves as well.

Don't believe me? Read the label. It's all there in not-so-small print.

Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner carries the warning, "Not a body wash." Mistolin all-purpose cleaner? "Do not swallow."

In case the steam rising from the styrofoam cup fooled you, coffee "may be hot." Ditto to pizza delivered with mozzarella all a-bubble, and most anything microwaved for 10 minutes.

Planters peanuts now warn they're a choking hazard. "Do not give to children under 6." The company's "Heart Healthy" mixed nuts label lists its contents (peanuts, almonds, pistachios, pecans, walnuts and hazelnuts), the choking warning, plus the note it was "manufactured on equipment that processes other tree nuts."

And in case you thought you were getting a free lunch with the shoes at Payless, the moisture-absorption packets are clearly marked "Do not eat."

Woolite urges customers to use the detergent but "avoid contact with the eyes." Hemorrhoid cream comes with the proviso it is "not for ophthalmic use."

Clorox also worries you might have been raised in the wild and need to be told, "Caution: Eye irritant." Apparently we never knew how many people have had absolutely no prior contact with bleach but do have good attorneys on speed-dial.

Iams dog food puts this pearl of wisdom on its package of high-priced "active maturity" chow: "Remember to have clean fresh water available for your dog."

"Active maturity" is Newspeak for senior citizen, and apparently Iams believes dogs get as huffy as humans if you point out they're of a certain age. OK, fine. But is a dog really likely to reach the "active maturity" stage if no one in its life realized dogs need water? Again, I guess this can happen, otherwise why put the reminder on back of the bag?

But I have a hard time believing people who can't make sense out of which one's Clorox, or Woolite, or hemorrhoid cream, and which one's Visine really benefit from a notice not to put the first three in their eyes.

Would someone with a nut allergy not be remotely aware a can of nuts comes from a factory that produces nuts? And do I risk a retroactive report to the Department of Social Services for letting my kids have peanuts and M&Ms before they could vote?

Maybe I'd be safe if letting my children eat such food was my most shocking lapse of judgment. After all, I never served them anything I found in the corner of a shoebox. And though my offspring were born before Johnson & Johnson felt the need to warn its baby powder is "for external use only," I was never tempted to treat their diaper rash internally.

But I've blatantly ignored Dial liquid hand soap's warning for years, and I'm so brazen I'm not going to stop, even though I've read the words on the bottle: "Keep out of reach of children."

Go ahead. Call DSS. I'll still insist every kid under my roof use the soap at least three times a day.

If they're tempted to lick soap off their hands, well, it's not a temptation they'll indulge twice.

At least that was the theory, back when common sense was a trait we valued.

Before Band-Aids came with the warning, "For medical emergencies, seek professional help."

Before Tylenol sleeping pills cautioned, "Drowsiness will occur."

Before Darwinism was lost in a class-action suit.

(Julia Spitz can be reached at 508-626-3968 or jspitz@cnc.com. Check metrowestdailynews.com for the Spitz Bits blog.)

It is the society we live in.

:D :D

:)

Remember, don't speak to anyone about anything. It can be used against you in their lawsuit.

And in the hardware store with the hammers. Not to be used to hit hands or fingers. Though I am sure that sign was put there by an employee after a guy I heard complaining that he had mashed his finger with a hammer he bought from them.

I am very happy that I was born before we had all these people and the Govt. to watch out for us and make sure we were safe. :LOL: I even remember a town I lived in and they only had 1 (one) lawyer and he hardly ever did anything but sit in his office and B.S. with the people. :JEKYLHYDE

Ron :p

One time I counted all of the warning signs on a self-compacting dumpster, Twenty seven warning signs! :eek:

One change and our "sue the bastard" mentality would change in a hurry. Just make the complaintant who is the loser in any lawsuit liable for the court costs and the lawyers fee for the defendant!

Stupid lawsuits would dry up immediately. :p

You got that right. That way our courts would have the time for trials of the real criminals.

I'll second that one!

.......and don't forget, Silverback....to help find the real killers!

Ar-ar-ar-awoooooooooo!!!

Doncha just love the pictured (non-verbal?) warnings on your wife's hair-dryer? The ones which warn you not to chuck them in the tub?

A note on your thought, Moikie---it might be better to eliminate all warning labels, as well! Gotta cull these morons outta the gene pool somehow. I'm for putting MORE weight into the tops of soda-machines!

Carrionn,

The aluminum mast on my sail boat as a warning that I should not operate the boat close to overhead wires. I wonder why they had to tell me that? Let's see, they didn't have the warning there a few years ago, some idiot electricuted himself/herself (pc correct wording here :LOL: ), the family sued the boat and/or mast manufacturers because their deceased love one hadn't been warned, and they won a bundle. Manufacturers have to protect themselves from very stupid people or face the possibility of major lawsuits not to mention the rediculous legal costs.

I also think that the loser should have to pay all of the legal costs. That would stop people suing for millions of dollars because they spilt hot coffee on themselves or because the dry cleaner lost their favorite pair of pants.

Wayne

I forget what comedian said YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!

Shoes aren't supposed to go into your mouth either but apparently Amy Boylan didn't know that when she was quoted in Automotive Weekly as saying, "Carroll took 170 $10,000 deposits for cars he knew he couldn't produce."

Cobra Venom...watching your two posts after I moderated your first one.

You are not going to jump around this site attacking someone in unrelated threads.

Back to the topic.

Ron White, one funny bastard. :JEKYLHYDE:JEKYLHYDE:JEKYLHYDE

http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...d&search_type=

And it didn't have a warning label about sailing in a Thunderstorm?

Having the loser pay the costs works on paper,but that's it.

There are warning labels on parachutes and containers now. Duh!
Come on already.

I disagree...it is the society we tolerate. If we all stood up and said enough maybe some of this crap would end and people would have to start using some friggin' common sense.

I bought a can of Sterno a few years ago, but the label said 'Caution, Do not use near fire or flame'.
I have not been able to figure out what to do with them.;)

Steve

Well there's another side.

Mfgs. have a history of resistance to the increased manufacturing costs and don't have a problem just paying a few lawsuits if they think it will cost less. So of course they may consider your arm worth $5000.00 in reality, you consider this an insult and sue. The lawyer gets up to half. The government takes 20yrs to run their studies and finally mandates it.

Obviously there are stupid suits and stupid people as well, but sometimes you have an accident you didn't see coming. The grey area is if it occurs enough to warrent a warning label. There are abuses on both sides.

As far as the dessicant, ideally you'd see that warning and remove them before putting them in the closet where the two year old finds it and thinks it's rock candy... But ya maybe the kid was just stupid.

I was just as aggravated as the next guy when I couldn't buy a power tool with a cord longer than six inches. (this shifted blame to the extention cord mfg.) Tucker got buried by the big three.

I have my doubts padded sun visors saved anyone but padded dashes were a good idea.

I will have to check, but I dont think I said "carroll" I thought I said shelby autos, under the former management. I also don't think I said, "knowing he couldn't produce"


Soon after joining Shelby Automobiles, Boylan noted that the company had taken 170 $10,000 deposits for its Cobra sports cars. The trouble was that Shelby had no means of building them

So I actually said the "company" and when I said "shelby" I was talking about The company. If you read the article you will see where I talk about the company not Carroll personally. If you are going to qutoe me, please do so correctly


Amy

QUOTE=427sharpe...it is the society we tolerate. If we all stood up and said enough maybe some of this crap would end.

Millions stood up when they tried to push that 'immigration legislation' on us last year!. I remember two or three senators saying they don't remember ever receiving so many emails and phone calls from their constituents, demanding they stop this bill. I was one of them.

Warren, allow me to add this to the list....


http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340389,00.html