This is supposed to be a
joke. But, it does sound like something that the liberals in congress would think up.
The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will
provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities
Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of
the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said
California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow
People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this
legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to
a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they
are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi
and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.
Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity
without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal
employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S.
employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against
the inept include financial advisors (73%), retail sales (72%), the
automotive industry (70%), the airline industry (68%), and home
improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government level, the
Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of
Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle
man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little
real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as
to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that
promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into
middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every
two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled--banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or
experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due
to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really
help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions
of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the
tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe
the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with
some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
Ron
Americans With No Abilities Act
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