And now for something just a LITTLE different

[cobra de capell]

Well, sense Cobrabill started it by trolling on the deep end, perhaps this Mattel customer call fits in here......

MATTEL: Thank you for calling Mattel. This is Leslie, how can I help you?

HARGRAVE: I have a complaint about a Barbie doll.

MATTEL: OK, I can help you with that. Can you tell me the product number you have?

HARGRAVE: It's the Happy Birthday Barbie Doll.

MATTEL: And what's the problem with the doll?

HARGRAVE: I got her home and disrobed her, only to find out her body is just smooth molded plastic.

MATTEL: [Pause] Her body is smooth molded plastic.

HARGRAVE: And I read that she was supposed to be "anatomically correct."

MATTEL: No. I'm sorry sir, we don't make anatomically correct dolls.

HARGRAVE: She looks like a hood ornament. And I was disappointed, because I don't know how young girls are supposed to learn about the female figure from this toy. Do you know what I mean, Leslie?

MATTEL: No sir. I don't have a clue. I'll be glad to pass your concerns along, though.

HARGRAVE: Are you going to send me a Barbie that is truly anatomically correct?

MATTEL: No sir. As I mentioned to you, we don't make an anatomically correct doll.

HARGRAVE: Would you consider making one in the future?

MATTEL: No sir.

HARGRAVE: Don't you make customized Barbies?

MATTEL: No we don't, sir.

HARGRAVE: I think you do sell personalized Barbies.

MATTEL: We used to have a doll you designed yourself on the Internet, and that doll is no longer available.

HARGRAVE: Have you ever seen a nude woman?

MATTEL: Pardon me, sir?

HARGRAVE: I said, if you've ever seen a nude woman, their anatomy does not look like this! There are markings, and hair, and other discolorations!

MATTEL: [Pause] Well sir, I'll be glad to pass your comments along.

HARGRAVE: So you don't sell one with the breasts and genitals drawn in properly.

MATTEL: No sir, we do not.

HARGRAVE: Do you think one of your factory workers would be able to draw them in with a Sharpie?

MATTEL: No sir, we won't be willing to do that for you.

HARGRAVE: Please?

MATTEL: No sir.

HARGRAVE: She is so pretty. She would be even prettier with all three holes. That's all I'm saying.

MATTEL: [Complete silence]

HARGRAVE: Listen, Leslie. She has pretty blond hair.

MATTEL: Sir, I can't help you anymore. And I'm going to disconnect this call now.

HARGRAVE: If I were to trim just a bit of her luxuriant hair, and delicately glue it to her pubic region, would that be OK with you?

MATTEL: Sir, I'm going to disconnect this call right now. Goodbye.