How to give a cat a pill

[bomelia]

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

1) Wrap it in bacon.

2) Toss it into the air above the dogs nose.

[ROBERT GWALTNEY]

Oh SO TRUE that dang cat can die berore I try shoving a pill down its throat,

[Buzz]

I had to retrieve Pauline from the floor twice before she could even get through reading that. I think we can relate.

[twobjshelbys]

Originally Posted by Buzz

I had to retrieve Pauline from the floor twice before she could even get through reading that. I think we can relate.

We have cats. I think there are three living here. My wife is out of town so I have to take care of them this week. Yep, just counted. Three.

The pill instructions are correct.

Most of my t-shirts have back foot claw picks from them launching themselves away. Our cats belong to the co-pilot/cat lady and won't let me do much with them.

Except for my Buddy who comes up on the bed every morning at 5:00 and reminds me to turn on the news to get up at 5:30. Better than an alarm clock

[Jamo]

Assolutely on da money! We're having to give pills to Chase (renamed recently to Stupid) for yet another infection from losing cat fights...he has three different levels of hair from recent shaving/stitching jobs.

The towel trick sorta works...sometimes.

The vet told me it isn't a suppository following a comment I made about how I was going to give him the next one.

[Ron61]

That is really funny and so true. I thought our cat had at least 8 legs when we tried to give him a pill. I finally got him to take it by hiding it in a ball of cat food, but that only worked a few times and then he would take the food apart and leave the pill.

Now my little dogs are easy to give pills or medicine to. They will take them right out of my hand. And my arms still show long scratch marks from our last cat.

Ron

[Bryan Wilson]

try washing a cat after it jumped into a bucket of used sump oil I had the skin riped of both arms

[Ron61]

Bernie,

Was he trying to escape the dreaded pill or just didn't like being washed? That would have been one job that I believe I would have taken it to my vets and told them he needed cleaning.

Ron

[4RE KLR]

That is on the money.

Good one Mike

[trularin]

This is one of the main reasons we do not have cats.

For dogs, wolves and other canine, cheese works wonders. Wrap anything in cheese and they will eat it whole.

[Buzz]

Tru - that's a beaut - looks like a timber wolf! I have 5 dogs now; Tuco - a stray pit bull cross that adopted us as a tiny pup, Julius Caesar - a malinois, the gorgeous Daisy Duke - a big bull mastiff, and The Outlaw Josey Wales and Dolly, both offspring from the Caesar-Daisy coupling that I had tried so hard to avoid. That Ceasar is a horny bastard and somehow cleared a 6 foot fence to get with Daisy Duke. The pups came out fine, though - 13 out of 14 anyway - and Josey especially. He's even huger than his mastiff mother, and looks like a massive, huskier version of his father.

Anyway, the cat, a battle-scarred ol' ginger tom, was here before all of them, and he made sure they were raised right. They'll kill just about anything that moves, but every one of them treats the ol' moggy with respect and cautious affection.

PS - the mutt in my gallery is the late Brutus Beefcake - a rott-shepherd cross and the best dam' dog I ever met.

[bomelia]

I have a funny feeling that Jamo thought I was up to something nefarious with this post...

[trularin]

It look like it is.

He's 11. Acts like he is ancient, but still gets to the door before anyone else in the house.

Wow, that is a herd of dogs. Are they all out side, inside or may I ask, where do they sleep ( other than anywhere they want ).

[Jamo]

Originally Posted by bomelia

I have a funny feeling that Jamo thought I was up to something nefarious with this post...

Well, I was drawn to it like a fly.

[Wes Tausend]

...

We may get another cat. The last one lived 18 years. Named Arty Cat by one of the kids. She was small and could still crouch at the base of a six foot fence post and land perfectly on top while licking her paw. However she was developing a penchant for dirty laundry left anywhere and an avoidence for sandbox. Perhaps we should have taken her to a vet, but at that age I don't know.

Once, when she was younger, and we planned to leave on a trip, I carefully locked her out of our bedroom because she liked to sleep on a shelf in my closet right on top of my sweaters. The top one was already sacrificed to shed-fur, but it still spread everywhere. Before the trip, my wife grabbed one more thing from the room and again carefully latched the door behind her. Unfortunately the cat was already snuck in. She went four days without water or it would have been worse I suppose. Cats get hoarse, by the way.

One of the things I really like about cats, they can take care of themselves if they have any access, to water and food, at all. And they usually don't smell bad, not like a certain 145 pound male Doberman my wife once had. He made it to seven. His name was Diesel and his middle name should have been Fumes.

We are also probably going to get another dog. Full size non-odorous Poodle for the wife, maybe. The last (Maltese), well we "Took her Collar" a couple of months ago, a sad time. Pets are like children ...they should live longer than we do. Senile, blind, deaf as they come, she couldn't distinguish inside and outside any longer. She made it 17 years, living before and well after two Dobies. Maybe the next one will outlive us.

I wish I could solve the cat shedding thing, maybe a different breed, but not bald. And next time, we will maybe have an automatic sandbox cleaner. Do they work?

Wes

...

[bomelia]

Originally Posted by Wes Tausend

...
And they usually don't smell bad, not like a certain 145 pound male Doberman my wife once had. He made it to seven. His name was Diesel and his middle name should have been Fumes.
...

Good one. All of my dogs (2) have been springer spaniels. They are so full of energy. Occasionally Ollie gets a bit "fumey" when I pet him too long. Seems there is a relaxation mechanism in play that opens the rear gas port. So, he gets petted as long as the air is clear.

[Buzz]

I used to put on a show of making a big fuss everytime ol' Brutus broke wind indoors. He never got the joke, poor old fella, and everytime anyone in the room cut cheese, he would up and scram, just like the dog in the movie "10".