Dallas/Ft Worth Area Roll Call

[Alan Schup]

This is the only car joke I could think of...


ACURA:
Another Crummy Useless Rotten Automobile. Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AMC:
All Makes Combined. A Major Cost. A Mutated Car. A Morons Car. Another Major Catastrophe. A Man's Car. A Miss Conception. All Muscle Car. All Most Car. Annoying Mechanics Constantly. Automotive Mental Cruelty.

AUDI:
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented. Accelerates Under Demonic Influence. Automobile Under Demonic Influence. Another Ugly Deutsche Invention. Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence. Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. All Unnecessary Devices Installed.

BMW:
Big Money Works. Bought My Wife. Brutal Money Waster. Break My Window. Break My Windshield. Babbling Mechanical Wench. Beastly Monstrous Wonder. Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels. Beautiful Mechanical Wonder. Barely Moving Wreck. Big Money Waste. Big Money. Why? Big Money Works. Born Moderately Wealthy. Breaks Most Wrenches. Bring Many Wrenches. Brings Me Women. Brings More Women. Broken Money Waster. Broke My Wallet. Broken Monstrous Wonder. Bumbling Mechanical Wretch. Blasphemous Motorized Wreck. Bavarian Manure Wagon

BUICK:
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer. Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

Camaro:
Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One?? Can't America Make A Real One? Chevrolet Assembled Mustang And Repaired Often. Could Always Manufacture And Recall Often.

CHEVROLET:
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time. Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques. Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

DODGE:
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere. Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater. Dead Old Dog Going East. Dead On Day Guarantee Expires. Dead On Delivery, Go Easy. Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired. Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter. Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment. Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive

EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks Every Day Some Engineer Laughs

FIAT:
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology. Fix It Again, Tony. Fix It All the Time. Found In A Toilet. Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD:
Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge. Fix Or Repair Daily. Found On Road Dead. Fast Only Rolling Downhill. First On Race Day. First On Recall Day. Fabricated Of Refried Dung. Fails On Rainy Days. Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream. Fatally Obese Redneck Driver. Fault Of R&D. Finally Obsolete Racing Device. Fireball On Rear Denting. First On Road to Dump. First On Rust and Deterioration. Fix Or Recycle Dilemma. Flipping Over Results in Death. Flipped Over Roadside Disaster. Follow Our Rusty Dogsled. Foot On Road Decelerates .Forced On Reluctant Drivers. Formed Of Rejected DNA. Forwarded Once; Return Denied. Forward Only; Reverse Defective. Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin. Fork Over Repair Dough. Fouled Out Re-done Dodge. Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration. Free Or Reduced Drastically. Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed. Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable. Funny Old Rattling Dump. Forget Out Running Dale (Earnhardt or Jarrett). Features O.J. and Ron`s DNA. Found Out-Right Dangerous. Future Of Racings Delight (backwards). Driver Returns On Foot (backwards). Dumb Rednecks Own Fords

LTD: Lacks Total Dependability Lots To Do Looses Transmissions Daily

GEO: Good Engineering Overlooked

GM:
General Maintenance. Great Mistake. Garbage Motors. Generally Miserable. Grossly Misconceived. Gluteus Maximus. Good Money. Goofy's Manufacturing. Gone Mental.

GMC:
Grief & Misery Combined. Garage Man's Companion. Gotta Mechanic Coming? Generally Mediocre Cars. Get More Chicks. Gets Mechanics Crazy. Gods Mechanical Curse. Got More Crap. Great Mountain Climber. Great Motor Car. God Made Chevy. Good Moron Car. Got Mine Cheap. Get My Checkbook. Gone Mad Corp.

GTO:
Gas, Tires, Oil. Get Tools Out. Get To Onramp. Good To Own. Get The Others. Generally Trashed Out. Good Time Out. Gone To Overdrive

HONDA:
Honest Officer, Nobody Drank Anything. Had One Never Did Again. Hang On, Not Done Accelerating. Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles. Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles. History Of No Dramatic Acceleration. How Odd, No Darn Acceleration? PRELUDE: Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP:
Just Eats Every Part. Just Empty Every Pocket. Junk Engineering Executed Poorly. Jumps Extremely Excitedly over Potholes. Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts.

KIA:
Kick It Around Kick It Again Killed In Action

LOTUS: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

MAZDA: Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG:
Money Guzzler Mostly Garaged Major Goof MGB: Might Go Backwards MGB: Might Go, But . . . MGB: Motor Going Bad MGF: Might Go Forward

MIATA: My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MOPAR
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly. Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously. Most Often Passed At Races Mostly Old Parts And Rust. Move Over People Are Racing. Move Over, Plymouth Approaching Rapidly. My Old Pig Ain't Running My Only Problems Are Repairs. Mechanics Offer Pinto As Replacement. More Often Parts Are Replaced

MUSTANG:
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good. Massivly Under Sized Tires And No Go. Maybe Under Serious Thought Another No Go. Maybe Under Serious Thought Another Nice GTO

OLDSMOBILE:
Old Ladies Driving Slowly, Making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday. Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO:
Put In Nickel To Operate. Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook. Put In New Transmission Often. Pushed In Neutral Too Often

PONTIAC:
Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car. Poor Old Numbskull Thinks Its A Cadillac.

PORSCHE:
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

SAAB:
Send Another Automobile Back. Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown. Sad Attempt At Beauty. Sorry Auto, Always Broken. Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA:
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto. Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass. The One You Ought To Avoid (remember the slogan, "You asked for it, you got it, Toyota"?)

TRIUMPH:
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help! Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

TR:
Tools Required

VOLVO:
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW:
Vintage Wreck. Virtually Worthless. Very weird