Jokes

[69boss429]

> Ambiguity & Idiosyncrasies
>
> FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
>
> 1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.
>
> 2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
>
> 3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
>
> 4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
>
> 5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
>
> 6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
>
> 7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
>
> 8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
>
> 9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
>
> 10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
>
> 11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
>
> 12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
>
> 13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
>
> 14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
>
> 15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
>
> 16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
>
> 17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
>
> 18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
>
> 19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
>
> 20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
>
> 21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
>
> 22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGE-BRA?
>
> 23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
>
> 24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
>
> 25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
>
> 26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
>
> 27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
>
> 28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
>
> 29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
>
> 30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
>
> 31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
>
> 32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
>
> 33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
>
> 34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY' - THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?!!