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Kirkham Motorsports

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-12-2015, 05:23 PM
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I was at a car show on Saturday, and a guy walks up and said: I will never look at a Cobra the same way after this Bill Cosby scandal.
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Old 08-14-2015, 09:02 AM
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A surgeon came to see his patient on the morning after her operation. The young woman asked him, somewhat hesitantly, how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "I really haven't thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon. "You're the first patient who's asked me that question after a tonsillectomy!"
_____



McDonalds…

Closing thigh gaps since the 1940's.
____
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:50 AM
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Looking forward to hunting season but I do have a question.

If I shoot a buck, but I only have a doe tag, can I claim that the buck wasn't really a buck? I mean, maybe he'd always wanted to be a doe, but with no choice of his own he was born with the physical attributes of a male. Yet on the inside he'd always known he was truly female.

I'm just wondering if the game wardens will buy it.

Our society and the Supreme Court does!

_____

Boarding planes in Israel!

...What a simple and brilliant idea! I particularly like the 'spare'
seat announcement!!
It's hard to beat Israeli technology!

TEL AVIV, Israel - The Israelis are developing an airport security
device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.

It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but
will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of
this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of
long and expensive trials.

You're in the airport terminal and you
hear a muffled explosion.
Shortly thereafter, an announcement:
"Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is pleased to announce
a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!"

BRILLIANT !
_____

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."
_____

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Old 08-18-2015, 09:13 AM
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THE ORIGINAL TEXT

Hi Bob. This is Alan next door. I'm sorry, buddy, but I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you've left for work. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Regards, Alan.

THE REACTION

Bob, feeling enraged and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and, without a word, shot his wife twice, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa to contemplate his next move. He took out his phone to make the call to the police and saw he had another message.

THE SECOND TEXT

Hi Bob. This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text. I expect you worked it out, but as I'm sure you noticed, my predictive text changed 'WiFi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan.
_____

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Old 08-19-2015, 09:12 AM
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My wife just had plastic surgery....

I cut up all her credit cards!
_____

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odor.

On my last two dates the woman sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.
_____

Girls mature faster than guys…

Men don’t usually develop breasts until their 50’s or 60’s.
_____

Minimization...

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Old 08-21-2015, 07:28 AM
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Downsizing!
__________________
Tropical Buzz

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. -(wasn't me)

BEWARE OF THE DOGma!! Dogmatism bites...
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Old 08-21-2015, 08:20 AM
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Still trying to get my tongue of the floor.
JD
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