Jokes

[bliss]

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, then started to count on his fingers "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....
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Nine hundred and ninety-nine islands have contributed to this salad dressing so far, but I still feel like it’s missing something.
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I went for a run today.

It was a beer run, but I was sweating.
_____

Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?

So they can see the battlefield.
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Two cowboys are standing in front of their bunkhouse and shooting the breeze about their favorite position for sex.

One cowboy sez, "I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
The other cowboy replies, "Never heard of that one. What's that ?"

"Well, you get your girlfriend down on all fours, you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and then you whisper in her ear, 'Boy these feel just like your sister's' -- and then you try to hold on for at least 7 seconds."

[Ron61]

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”