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  #1161 (permalink)  
Old 03-05-2015, 01:24 PM
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Default Hey Little Cobra

A friend sent this to me ,I know its old but it is in the true essence of the COBRA .

[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oc6FmZCT0Zc[/ame]

Cheers

Brad
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  #1162 (permalink)  
Old 03-06-2015, 05:04 PM
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Brad, thanks for posting this. Fantastic!

Whenever I see a 289 racer in all its period glory I long for the old days. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up every time I watch this video.
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  #1163 (permalink)  
Old 03-17-2015, 01:05 AM
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Want more power ?

Perhaps you need a Supercharger....



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  #1164 (permalink)  
Old 04-04-2015, 03:43 PM
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Talking

Not far from the truth!

A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles".

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough
points for me to take you on right away.Our normal
hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm,
why don't you want me here until 10.00am?
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know"

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around
drinking coffee and scratching our bollocks. There's not much point in you coming early is there."
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  #1165 (permalink)  
Old 04-05-2015, 01:30 AM
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Default With apologises to our darker Bretheren

A black guy and Murphy go into a pastry shop. The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice. The black guy says to Murphy, "You see how clever we are? You Paddies can never beat that!"

Murphy says to the black guy, "Watch dis, any Paddy is smarter din you, and I'll prove it to ya."

He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats. Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..." The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. He eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "OK ... so where is your famous magic trick?"

Murphy says .... " Now look in the black guy's pocket!"
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  #1166 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2015, 02:14 AM
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Talking

Fighter Pilot Jimmy

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Jimmy says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most
expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment
in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the
while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Jimmy,
decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Jimmy s whore."
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  #1167 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2015, 02:16 AM
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POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money."

But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.


"Come in and close the door" the man said.

She did.

He then said, "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... Take it out...." He said.

She reached in a nd grabbed it with both hands.

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered..

"Well .... Go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, ....

...tentatively said ....

"Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"















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  #1168 (permalink)  
Old 04-15-2015, 02:20 AM
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Default Police Work at its best

Had lunch with a large SA policeman yesterday in Adelaide at the famous Port Power footy club, but he made no mention of this incident during his Easter patrols???


Two policemen call the station on the radio.



"Hello. Is that the Sarge?"



"Yes?"



"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping

on the floor she had just mopped clean."



"Have you arrested the woman?"



"No sir. The floor is still wet."
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  #1169 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2015, 12:19 AM
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Default Directions

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "good morning young man, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"


The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."


The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday...I'll show you how to get to Heaven."


The little boy replied with a chuckle. "You're bull****ting me, right?
......You don't even know the way to the Post Office!
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  #1170 (permalink)  
Old 05-10-2015, 11:35 PM
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Keep the jokes coming.....
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  #1171 (permalink)  
Old 05-11-2015, 02:00 AM
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Default bit of a groaner !!!

How do you catch a gay mouse
.
.
.
.
.
.
.with a Poofy Cat
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  #1172 (permalink)  
Old 05-11-2015, 03:24 PM
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Profound Thought!



Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."
Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
"You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find."
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  #1173 (permalink)  
Old 05-12-2015, 12:59 AM
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golf & fishing,the jokes will just keep coming.
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  #1174 (permalink)  
Old 05-12-2015, 01:02 AM
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Default Well....golf, a good walk spoilt

A golfer in Ireland hooks his drive into the woods.. Searching for his ball, he finds a little Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from
the cart and pours it over the little guy, reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddye want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. ' I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. 'I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, ye know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro bills I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

'C'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for
a Catholic priest in a small parish.'









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  #1175 (permalink)  
Old 05-13-2015, 01:59 PM
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Sensitivity


The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.

The pre natal class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.

Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just make several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together
It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes, answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be alright if she carries my golf clubs while we walk?
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  #1176 (permalink)  
Old 05-14-2015, 05:20 AM
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I see this thread has all of the makings of...( place acceptable set of Ausie words here ).

LOL

Hi guys!!!

Tru
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  #1177 (permalink)  
Old 05-14-2015, 01:57 PM
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Errr acceptable AuSSie words Tru !?
Care to give us a few examples please ?

My best guess is the moderator won't allow too many into print !! LOL
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  #1178 (permalink)  
Old 05-15-2015, 03:27 PM
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A guy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best wine,
beer on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies, who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in and immediately says:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to
Confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!”
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  #1179 (permalink)  
Old 05-16-2015, 04:48 PM
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My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Bollocks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web


Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.



Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C, "he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."
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  #1180 (permalink)  
Old 05-19-2015, 01:29 AM
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I have given some thought to an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.



Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question: getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby. And, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.



Time for another beer.
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