The POOL ROOM

[Rog246]

Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers' contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the internet


"I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse..... I guess Tesco just listened!

Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?

Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.

Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!

Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night ...
I still have a bit between my teeth.

A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco.
Her condition is said to be stable.

Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn

"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... AND THEY'RE OFF"

Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

Said to the missus, These Tesco burgers give me the trots....

"To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian"..... (This one is particularly clever)

A cow walks into a bar.
Barman says, "Why the long face?"
Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"

I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit....
Talk about flogging a dead horse!

[Rog246]

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius.

She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the
limbs.

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorious home that completely
acquits him of his girlfriend's murder....Footprints.

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes,
who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

Oscar Pistorius has murdered his girlfriend. Proof that even a man with no
legs has a better shot than Fernando Torres.

Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.

Surely Oscar Pistorious cant be the first man to wake up legless on
Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone
else!

I take it Oscar Pistorius' girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.

What's the first thing they are going to give Oscar Pistorious in prison? -
The bottom bunk.

Guys with disabilities are always overcompensating.
When I first saw Reeva Steenkamp, I said "I'd tap that".
Oscar Pistorius said "I'd double-tap that".

Oscar Pistorious a man who has made a giant f**k up but who can't yet be
classed as having shot himself in the foot.

And the Oscar goes to ......(drumroll)...... JAIL.

If we've learnt anything from today's tragedy, it's that if you can't walk
the walk... shooting your girlfriend in anger won't really get you very far
either.

South African Olympic hero Oscar Pistorius suspected of killing his
girlfriend. Police are stumped about his motive.

Oscar Pistorius jokes are statistically twice as funny as Heather Mills
jokes.

Roses are red,
My legs are Blades.
Sorry I shot you,
I thought you were spades.