The POOL ROOM

[Rog246]

A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."

He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must have been the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply, asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"

She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one!!"

[Rog246]

For those who appreciate Dark Humour​!

Oscar wanted to get a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on
Valentine's Day he had to take her out.

If he gets off this charge it will be the closest shave anyone has had
with only 2 blades.

His lawyer's got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like
Pistorius hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished
responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.

Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The IOC say he's a
front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.

Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for
his Valentine's Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.

New Valentine's Day card: "Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never
creep up on Oscar Pistorius."

Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely
acquits him of his girlfriend's murder … footprints !

She didn't notice Oscar stalking her.. It was the silence of the limbs.

And finally,

Anyone making jokes about Oscar Pistorius is just prosthetic!

[Cobra01]

Australia Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!!

LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..
BYTE: What mozzies do
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A pub snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.