The POOL ROOM

[letsboogie351]

Irish Toast




An Irish Miracle

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.

He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.

So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.

He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen.

But he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.

He leads Fr.Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.

"Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."

"No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy

"Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan, "dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It's a mir….

Wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc."

A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome . No expense is spared. There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue.

Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.

"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe. Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out.

Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared 'No Miracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"

[Rog246]

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?

Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children and
loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"


Again, they all answered 'No!'


I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted,

"Yuv got tae be fukin' dead"


Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir eye...