Lol! Reminds me of a friend of mine. He's an older, very pompous old politician type, but a former great athlete and tennis player and a very entertaining fellow to be around.
He's in his mid 70's now and is married to a severe, no nonsense and rather unfriendly woman.
One night a couple of years ago, he was in bed with his (much younger) girlfriend and he happened to fall asleep. Here, it is not unusual for men to be "out with the boys" after golf or tennis 'til around midnight, so he had plenty of opportunity to philander, but he didn't dare push his luck by staying out too late.
Well, he awoke with a start around 2am and in a hurried panic threw on his clothes, cursing all the way, rushed home and snuck into bed next to his wife. He figured he would have to deal with some crap for getting in late, but he was puzzled when he was awakened later in the morning by his wife raising bloody hell and shouting the place down.
It turns out when he evacuated his GF's bed he dressed in the dark and in such a hurry that instead of pulling on his underpants, he had grabbed the girl's panties instead. So his wife wakes up and to her horror, Morris is snoring next to her wearing a pair of panties and they definitely weren't hers. (when I first heard the story, the image of that had me flat out busting a gut.)
Somehow, Morris managed to survive the incident and his wife didn't kick him out, but he was so traumatized by the ordeal that he vowed never to let that happen to him again. He immediately went out and bought a new watch with an alarm which he set for 11:45pm and he would activate it every time he visited his concubine.
One evening he had planned to go out and he set the alarm early, but the weather turned really bad and, with no excuse for going out, he ended up having to stay home. Frustrated, he guzzled a few drinks after dinner and retired to bed early with his wife. He was soon fast asleep and right on cue, the alarm started blaring.
Groggy and in a panic, Morris jumped up and started frantically fumbling in the dark for his clothes. His wife was startled and asked "Morris - where are you going?"
Still half asleep, he was disoriented and so conditioned by depending on the alarm that he thought he was in the girlfriend's bed. Morris blurted out "Where am I going?? You crazy?? You want my wife to kick my ass??"
They're still married, but whenever I see him, I remember that story and so help me I still laugh my a$$ off every time.
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