Joke of the Day...

[Hotfingrs]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
> >
> >"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I
> >just finished cleaning!"
> >
> >My mother taught me RELIGION:
> >
> >"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
> >
> >My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
> >
> >"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
> >into the middle of next week!"
> >
> >My mother taught me LOGIC:
> >
> >"Because I said so, that's why."
> >
> >My Mother taught me LOGIC:
> >
> >"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
> >you're not going to the store with me."
> >
> >My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
> >
> >"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in
> >an accident"
> >
> >My mother taught me IRONY:
> >
> >"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry
> >about."
> >
> >My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
> >
> >"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
> >
> >My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
> >
> >"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your
> >neck!"
> >
> >My mother taught me about STAMINA:
> >
> >"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
> >
> >My mother taught me about WEATHER:
> >"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
> >
> >My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
> >
> >"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you,
> >would you listen THEN?"
> >
> >My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
> >
> >"If I've told you once, I've told you a million
> >times--Don't Exaggerate!!!"
> >
> >My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
> >
> >"I brought you into this world, and I can take you
> >out."
> >
> >My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
> >
> >"Stop acting like your father!"
> >
> >My mother taught me about ENVY!
> >
> >"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
> >world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
> >
> >My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
> >
> >"Just wait until we get home."
> >
> >My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
> >
> >"You are going to get it when we get home!"
> >
> >My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
> >
> >"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
> >to freeze that way."
> >
> >My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
> >
> >"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never
> >get a good job."
> >
> >My Mother taught me ESP:
> >
> >"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when
> >you're cold?"
> >
> >My Mother taught me HUMOR:
> >
> >"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
> >running to me."
> >
> >My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
> >
> >"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow
> >up."
> >
> >My Mother taught me about SEX:
> >
> >"How do you think you got here?"
> >
> >My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
> >
> >"You're just like your father."
> >
> >My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
> >
> >"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
> >
> >My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
> >
> >"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
> >
> >And my all time favorite...
> >
> >My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
> >
> >"One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out
> >just like you!"