1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence?
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue
a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing
ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come
out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist
and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money... from his own
bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all
the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives
asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all
your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I
said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for
trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King
used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert,
an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried,
they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It
wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost
every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about
an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina,
thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was
the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in
the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE!
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place........
was the trailer.
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